Neither bungee jumping nor more sex were mentioned. The most frequent regrets we feel near the end of our lives have been identified by a palliative nurse who has provided final days counseling to the dying. And ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’ is one of the most common responses, especially from men.

Australian nurse Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for a number of years, providing care for patients who were in the final 12 weeks of their lives. Her blog, Inspiration and Chai, chronicled their final realizations, garnering so much attention that she turned her discoveries into a book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware describes how individuals attain extraordinary clarity of vision towards the end of their life and how we might benefit from their knowledge. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” according to her, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

According to Ware, the top five regrets of the dying are as follows:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

What do you want to accomplish or alter before you pass away, and what is your worst regret to date?

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